Why We Crave Deep But Keep Ourselves Stuck in Shallow

Kassandra Vaughn
4 min readNov 2, 2023

They call what we live in today a ‘digitally connected’ world.

But, what if the better way to describe it is living in a ‘digitally entangled’ world? Yes, we’re globally accessible but are we intimately connected?

And therein lies the problem.

We live in a world that, on its surface, pretends like having the ultimate level of online access makes the world our oyster and, yet, we’ve never lived in a time that feels so isolating and lonely.

When the feeling of loneliness is as prevalent among teenagers as it is among the elderly, let me help you out: we have a problem.

Human beings, as the research shows, are wired for connection… and, yet, we are operating in a way that pretends that likes and follows are the same as sitting across a table from someone and sharing a good laugh.

They are not the same.

Most people crave deep, fulfilling connections that involve being truly seen, heard, known and understood… and you’ll never find that depth of connection on social media. You won’t feel deeply understood by people who only get to see the best face you’re putting forward.

We crave deep and, yet, we keep ourselves stuck in shallow.

Why? Why are we doing that? I’ll tell you why:

We’re afraid that being seen will lead to the confirmation that we are NOT enough.

Our teenagers don’t know what daily true connection feels and looks like so they run from it because, to them, it’s a waste of time and it’s far easier to mask insecurities and fears behind an avatar and a Tik Tok dance video.

As adults who grew up before there was an internet or right when AOL had that lovely dial up sound, we jump in and out of in-person connection, engaging when it’s convenient and disengaging when it feels easier to go through the motions (rather than actually feeling emotion).

Older adults are either pretending that aging isn’t a thing or have relegated themselves to being old, both of which represents a sliver of who they really are… and way too much time spent focused on…

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Kassandra Vaughn

* Mindset Coach | Author | Soon-to-be Therapist * On a mission to help women 30 and above rebuild their self-worth & reclaim their power.