Nov 8, 2021
Three Words That Will Put You Back in the Driver’s Seat of Your Life
What does it take to be in the driver’s seat of your life?
And I don’t mean having a ‘say’ in how you create, manage, and run your life. That’s responsibility but not necessarily ownership.
When I say ‘the driver’s seat of your life’, it’s a state of being that feels and looks totally different from any level of responsibility you might feel. Someone who’s in the driver’s seat of life doesn’t play the victim, doesn’t spend a lot of time blaming other people for where they are (or where they’re not) and they certainly don’t make their lack of current success anyone else’s problem.
When you’re in the driver’s seat of your life, you are VERY clear on one thing:
You are your biggest problem AND your greatest solution.
But, you might be asking yourself “How do I get into the driver’s seat of my life? How do I feel like I’m happening to life… and not the other way around?”
Here’s how you do it: Start saying three simple words to yourself every day and all the time, especially in moments where you’re tempted to play the victim.
And here are those three words: I AM RESPONSIBLE.
In Extreme Ownership, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin put it like this:
The leader must own everything in his or her world. There is no one else to blame. The leader must acknowledge mistakes and admit failures, take ownership of them, and develop a plan to win. The best leaders don’t just take responsibility for their job. They take Extreme Ownership of everything that impacts their mission.
In The Art of Possibility, Zander and Zander discuss the driver’s seat in incredibly poetic terms:
So the first part of the practice is to declare: “I am the framework for everything that happens in my life”… Grace comes from owning the risks we take in a world by and large immune to our control… Gracing yourself with responsibility for everything that happens in your life leaves your spirit whole, and leaves you free to choose again.
And Brian Tracy, in a book called Just Shut Up and Do It, put it in this matter-of-fact way:
You cannot say ‘I am responsible’ and be angry, worried, or scared at the same time. The words ‘I am responsible’ put you back in the driver’s seat. They enable you to take complete charge of your life, turning you from a victim into a victor. They take you from feeling weak and insecure to feeling strong and self-reliant.
All of the above is true.
Now the question becomes: How do you tactically and practically get back into the driver’s seat of your life using those three words?
Here’s what you do:
Step #1: Get a small notebook or journal and title it ‘Own My Life.’
On one of the first pages of the journal, create a 21 day calendar that you can cross off as you complete this habit forming experiment.
Step #2: Keep your journal close.
Take this small journal (and a pen) with you everywhere you go for a consecutive 21 day period.
Step #3: Reprogram victim/blame thoughts.
Any time you find yourself thinking or speaking blame, shame, guilt, or telling a victim story, whip out that journal and write 10 times “I am responsible.”
Step #4: Take immediate action.
After you write “I am responsible” 10 times, ask yourself “How am I going to solve this?” (in terms of whatever you were blaming or playing the victim about) and get up IMMEDIATELY (as immediately as you can if you’re in the middle of a work day) and take one simple, strategic next action to solve the problem you were just playing victim about.
And then do that again and again for a MINIMUM of 21 CONSECUTIVE days. In other words, if you miss it even one day, you have to start the 21 days all over again.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it?
Complete the 21 consecutive days and then tell me just how hard (and life changing) that was.
You’ve got this…
