5 Ways to Stop Hustling for Your Worthiness

7 min readMar 8, 2018

I’m a dog lover. I don’t like cats and have no interesting in ever owning a cat… However, the thing I’ve noticed about cats is this:

They NEVER doubt their worthiness.

Dogs, on the other hand, are all about doing whatever they can to please, love, support, care for and gain the approval of their dog owners. They love to be seen, known, and played with. Cats, on the other hand, could care less. They sit where they want, sleep when they want, and expect the cat owner to cater to them… and there’s power in living your life on cat terms: knowing that you are in charge of your day, making clear decisions about how you will and will not be treated, taking care of yourself fully and completely without apology or feeling the need to win approval.

Cats operate like queens and they have no inclination to change that.

We, on the other hand, have issues with worthiness. It doesn’t matter where we picked it up and it really doesn’t matter how long we’ve lived with it. The facts are clear:

Most people lack the ability to own and live according to their worthiness.

Brene Brown put it best:

“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”

And here’s the question:

Where has hustling for your worthiness gotten you?

No where…

In fact, I’m sure you and I have both learned that all of the time we spent trying to prove ourselves, secure acceptance, and win love resulted in far less than what we were going for and, in many cases, nothing at all. Why? Because if you have to justify your existence for someone else to love or support you, you’ve already lost the battle.

Approval, love, and acceptance have to come from within. Belonging and love have to be unconditional. The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the exact moment you need to put on your crown, own your power, and walk away.

And, yet, most people don’t do that…

They fight for approval. They overachieve to feel “good enough” and then they struggle with low self-esteem, no self-confidence, very little self-care, and then wonder why they feel defeated…

So let’s fix that right here, right now.

You need to stop hustling for your worthiness today.

It’s a decision you have the power to make. It’s a way of living you have the ability to implement. There is no waiting ‘until’. You need to do it and you need to do it now.

How?

Below are five ways. Begin now…

1 Change the story in your head.

This is the MOST important step. Until you change the narrative you keep telling yourself about you, none of the other steps will work. You need to write a new story of who you are, what you’re capable of and your ability to achieve it. Period. This means doing more than affirming “I am enough. I do enough. I have enough.” Yes, that’s a starting point but that’s all it is: a starting point.

You need to look yourself in the eye and say to yourself, “This is who I am. No matter what I get done today or don’t get done today, no matter how many people like me or don’t, no matter how long it’s taking me to get to where I say I am meant to be, THIS IS WHO I AM and that never changes and it isn’t conditional and, from this moment forward, I am holding myself accountable to show up as the most powerful, joyful, loving, creative, daring, bold, freaking amazing version of me possible which means NO MORE SHRINKING for other people, NO MORE APOLOGIZING for being who I am, NO MORE SHAMING myself about my failures. NEVER AGAIN. This is me and I love me. This is me and I know what I can do. I’m a conqueror. I’m eternal. The Universe has my back and I’m not backing done from ANYTHING that I want. From now on, THIS IS ME.” If you love the show ‘This is Us’, it’s time for you to start saying ‘THIS IS ME’ and then live it 24/7.

2 Love your mess.

My friend, Allison Nazarian, wrote this AMAZING book years ago called ‘Love Your Mess.’ Go buy it on Amazon →HERE←. Before you can stop hustling for your worthiness, you need to get real with the fact that your mess is the means to your life mission. It is a gift and guess what? Everybody has mess. Loving your mess means embracing your flaws (not simply tolerating them). It means owning your imperfections (they are what make you real, true, and an honor to love). It means allowing yourself to feel awful on certain days, blissful on other days and completely pissed off on other days… and not judge any of those days. It means changing your life in any way that serves your Highest Good… even and especially when other people disapprove. Loving your mess is essential to you no longer hustling for your worthiness. Think about it… we hustle for worthiness when we let shame be the overall perception of our mess. There’s nothing to be ashamed about. I’m a hot mess. You’re a hot mess. We’re all in this together.

3 Get over making other people happy.

You can’t. You won’t. You never will. People are as happy as they decide to be. Their happiness has NOTHING to do with you. Your happiness has NOTHING to do with them… EVER. One of my favorite quotes says: “You can’t make everybody happy. You aren’t a jar of Nutella.” Let’s stop trying to be Nutella and focus on being ourselves. No one’s going to die because you do what’s right for you (so long as it TRULY is what’s right for you which will also uplift and help others- had to throw in that disclaimer). No one who really loves you is going to turn their backs on you when you do what’s best for you. If they do, who they really are just showed up. Thank them for the epiphany. No one is going to fall into a great, deep depression because you put you first… and if they say you caused it, you were simply their excuse to be upset.

Remember: Happiness is an inside job. That applies to everyone, including you…

4 Get in the arena and LIVE!

“If you aren’t in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” — Brene Brown

Here’s the thing: When you are truly 100% in your life, you’re in the arena having the time of your life… and getting your ass kicked. You don’t have time to worry about what other people are thinking, doing or saying behind your back. This is YOUR life. Get your life. Live your life. What’s the point of being on an adventure if you aren’t having an amazing, crazy, all out on fire type of experience? And far too many people are doing life lukewarm and then wondering why they’re bored. If you’re life is boring, it’s because you’re not living it. Remember: breathing isn’t living. It’s surviving. Do what it takes to take actions today that are brave, bold, daring, on fire and make you feel alive. That… is totally and completely up to you. #handleit

5 Keep the promises you make to yourself.

Did you tell yourself you’d lose that weight? Stop talking about it and get it done! Or change the promise and say “I’m going to embrace the weight I am and love my food.” Either way, when you make a commitment to you, you need to vigilantly hold yourself accountable (on a daily basis) to staying committed to your commitment. This has nothing to do with anybody else and if you’re allowing other people’s agendas to rule your day, guess whose fault that is? The worst thing you can do for your sense of self-worth is betray yourself… AND EVERY TIME you fail to keep a promise to yourself, that is exactly what you are doing: annihilating your self-worth. Are you ready to be congruent? Are you ready to stop hustling for your worthiness? Good. Keep your promises to yourself… and I’m talking to me too here… #justsayin

At the end of the day, you will never do enough hustling to make other people believe that you’re worthy when their sense of fulfillment comes from reminding you that you are not capable.

A- You need to drop those people from your life (drop em like it’s hot)and

B- If you can’t drop them (family being a prime example), get over needing them to approve of you and start really approving of yourself. You can change all of this hustling for your worthiness today.

The question is: Will you actually do it?

FINAL POINT: Below is a quote that I absolutely adore. I invite you to, from this moment forward, begin living it as your self-worthiness mantra. Thank you Danielle LaPorte for sharing this with the world!

You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge. Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone- profusely. But don’t apologize for being who you are.

#dropthemic

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Kassandra Vaughn-Worsley is an author, entrepreneur and podcaster originally from Danbury, Connecticut. She holds a B.A. in Sociology from Vassar College, an MBA in Human Resource Management from Auburn University, and an M.Ed in Instructional Design from Western Governors University. She lives in the beautiful state of Wyoming.