5 Signs That Someone’s Vulnerability is Fake
Vulnerability… it’s the catchphrase of the century.
Brene Brown made it famous and a large majority have made it the go-to solution for everything. No where is this ‘vulnerability’ cry more prevalent than in the world of entrepreneurship. Hire a business, branding, or marketing coach and guess what’s one thing they’re going to tell you to do to ‘build your business’? Be VULNERABLE… They seize on the words of Brene Brown when she said:
Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.
They tell entrepreneurs that the key to connecting with potential clients is to share your deepest, darkest secrets with your tribe as a way to show them that you’re flawed, human and relatable. What all of those ‘consultants’ aren’t telling you is something else Brene Brown said:
Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: ‘Who has earned the right to hear my story?’
And it’s not only in business where people choose to emotionally vomit with no reflection on whether this is the right time and the right people to share their vulnerability with. It happens in families ALL of the time.
The person in your family who constantly plays the role of the martyr, the victim, or the ‘Woe is me. My life sucks’ type… Those family members are used to being ‘vulnerable’ and emotionally vomiting all over other family members about how hard their lives are, how tough it is for them, and how nothing works out.
The person in your family who alienates other family members because they say no one likes them. They’re the first to tell you what’s wrong with everyone else in the family and also the first to point out every instance of how this person or that person did them wrong… and, in this age of ‘be vulnerable’, we’re giving people permission to emotionally vomit all over the place and cause harm with their misplaced disclosures.
And here’s the worst part of it all: so much of this motivated vulnerability is fake. It’s fake because it isn’t genuine. It’s fake because it’s not thoughtful. It’s fake because it’s done with a motive to get something from you.
So how do you know if someone’s vulnerability fake?
Here are 5 signs:
Sign #1- The person shares their vulnerability and then asks you for a favor (and does this consistently). Your sister tells you that she just had a horrible fight with her husband and then asks you to loan her some money… #fakevulnerability
Sign #2- The business delivers a series of ‘vulnerability’ posts and then rounds out those posts with a ‘special’ offer. I see so much of this in the realm of fitness and nutrition ‘experts.’ They livestream and spend a week or so sharing with you the deep, dark secret of how they gained weight or have been struggling with food and, within two weeks, they announce that, out of the blue, they’ve decided to run a NEW challenge or launch a NEW program to help those who have been struggling just like them. Do you really think that ‘new’ program came out of the blue? Think again. That entire vulnerability series was orchestrated. #fakevulnerability
Sign #3- The person who cries about life but does nothing to change it. The person who tells you their sad life story every time you hang around them and then talks about the fact that they can never get ahead. As soon as you offer them advice on how to move forward, they tell you another sob story and, in the midst of it, ask you to help them do the work of changing their lives… and then you do that but you end up working harder on changing their lives than they do. #fakevulnerability
Sign #4- The business that shares a rags-to-riches story to convince you that this person was once ‘just like you.’ Most businesses talk about the problems they’ve overcome and that’s normal. However, when a business sells you on their products or services as a way to say “My entire life changed once I bought and used this!”, question their sharing of those vulnerable moments. Was using this product or service alone the ONLY thing that was needed to change their lives? Probably not… #fakevulnerability
Sign #5- The family member who guilts you into spending more time with them because they ‘might die.’ You know this situation. The family member says “I’ve been sick lately and I really need to see you” or “You never know what’s going to happen. I could die tomorrow. I wish you would visit more…” This type of sharing how sick the person is so they can guilt you into doing what they want you to do is not being vulnerable; it’s being manipulative. #fakevulnerability
At the end of the day, there is a time to be vulnerable and vulnerability, when authentic and well meant, is courageous. However, vulnerability can also be misused by toxic people as a way to manipulate and influence you in the direction of their specific needs and desires.
Know which type of vulnerability you’re both receiving and delivering. Integrity driven vulnerability is a MUST if creating a lasting impact is what you want. Anything less is unworthy of you and everyone you come in contact with.
READY TO CUT TOXIC FAMILY TIES THAT ARE KEEPING YOU STUCK?
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